Hello fellow moms. It has been quite a while since I have posted on this site. I have missed you deeply, but I needed time to regroup and gain some mental and emotional perspective. I created this site a few years ago because being a mother has been a harder job than I thought it would be. I am a type A person who likes to be in control and excel in everything I do. I have always held myself to standards that were not humanly realistic and I have truly come to that realization a few months ago. I have been my biggest and hardest critic and enemy, thus causing me major mental, emotional, physical and medical unrest. 
To be 100% honest with you, I thought I would be a more patient, loving and all around different mom than I am. After working in the political field, I became and educator many years ago. I have been a teacher, Campus Administration and Program Director of a GED program. I have created and facilitated countless teacher and school administration workshops giving the participants information on how to better educate and relate to the youth they taught. I have even led parent workshops on this exact topic, but here I am today, a mother who has felt like I do not have total handle on this journey called mommy hood. As I look back as to before I became a mother, I feel like a total hypocrite. When I was a middle school Principal, I told hundreds of dad's and mom's ways to better parent their children. Mind you, I did this before becoming a mother myself. I would even give my strong and unsolicited parenting advice to my friends who were moms prior to me becoming one. Looking back now, I am sure they simply wanted me to shut up and just be a listening ear and support. It is so funny how people seem to have all the answers to being a mom, a wife, etc. without even being a mother or wife. Have you ever had a person who is not a mom tell you, "Girl, I would tear my child's butt up if they did that to me. You need to spank that child!" Or they make you feel like they have all the answers, thus making you feel like you, the actual parent does not know a dog, gone thing? Now do not get me wrong, I know that God can give childless people wisdom on being a parent, but the truth of the matter is one really does not KNOW until you experience it yourself. Something spiritual, almost supernatural happens when you become a parent. Your hearts ability to love and protect explodes to its highest level. Having a true physical, emotional and spiritual bond with a human being that you parent transcends any text book theory or psychology. I look back today and realize I was giving parents advice based on theory, but not on personal experience. Today, I have the personal experience to work in conjunction with theory.
As of today, as I sit in Starbucks sipping my Grande soy skinny vanilla latte with NO FOAM (please less foam and all liquid), I have a better understanding of my role as a mother. Thanks first and foremost to God for sending people my way who have assisted me in realizing that being a mom is not a call to perfection, but a channel for God to show His love. Grace, mercy and love makes a great parent, not perfection.
I, like many of you, have battled depression, anxiety, fear, anger, helplessness, sadness, guilt and sleepless nights as a mom for various reasons, all of which we will talk more about in future blog post. But my friends, I have come to realize that the key to me starting to heal from these feeling and mindsets was to surrender this season of my life to God and trust Him to lead and guide me. And most importantly, I was never called to be perfect!
Until next time, be blessed and know that being a mom is a God given gift. He trusted you enough with one of his precious little ones, now trust in HIM to lead you.
Love,
Angela
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