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| A timeline of Whitney Thore weight gain in college. (Photo Credit: TLC) |
So, I had to reminisce about my life prior to losing 150
lbs. "Was I moody, cranky, and mean when I was fat?"
Before I could honestly and accurately answer this question, I had to address
each allegation separately and collectively.
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| Me at 318 lbs. |
The Oxford Dictionary defines being moody as "(of a person) given to unpredictable changes of mood, especially sudden bouts of gloominess or sullenness." Dictionary.com defines the word as meaning "given to gloomy, depressed, or sullen moods; ill-humored. 2. proceeding from or showing such a mood:
a moody silence. 3. expressing or exhibiting sharply varying moods; temperamental."
2. CRANKY
Dictionary.com defines cranky as "ill-tempered; grouchy; cross:
2. eccentric; queer. 3. shaky; unsteady; out of order."
3. MEAN
Mean is defined as "unkind, spiteful, or unfair:" according to the Oxford Dictionary. Dictionary.com defines as, "offensive, selfish, or unaccommodating; nasty."
WOW, these three words have some serious meaning. Words carry so much power, and countless people, just like Ms. Feehan, believe that fat people personify these three words. However, I was always told, it is not what people call you, but rather what you answer to that defines who you really are. But to address this issues honestly, many times when I was obese, I was moody, cranky and mean. However, I cannot attribute that to solely being heavy, because I know thin people who are moody, cranky and mean, very mean. Matter of fact, a great deal of my "moodiness and crankiness was birthed from mean and nasty comments thin people said to and about me. Being fat was hell! When I was fat, people felt like they had the right and permission to say ANYTHING to me. It would take hundreds of blog entries for me to repeat all the hateful and nasty actions people have done to me all due to me being overweight. Young, old, black, white, male, female, Pastors, and lay people. All have given unsolicited, mean spirited "advice." Not all folks have come from a mean place. A few family and friends were concerned for my health. But those were to few and far between.
As a child and teen, the more people teased and said hurtful things, it caused me to build up an emotional wall to prevent their dismissive words and actions from penetrating my heart and soul. At least that is what I would tell myself. I hated it when kids would call me names, or boys would make elephant sounds when I walked by, or as a teen and young adult, rejection from the opposite sex. And as an adult, when riding on the subway, or air plane, people would rather stand than sit next to me all due to my extra flesh. So, yes, at times I was moody, cranky and offensive because I was HURT and hurt deeply by MEAN, MOODY, CRANKY thin people. I wonder what type of personality and attitude Ms. Feehan and other thin people would have if they had to endure years and years of rejection, teasing, harassing, bullying, etc., simply because of their appearance!
Not all heavy people allow the negative words and actions of others to impact their mood and personality. Vast amounts of fat people seem to not be affected at all from others, but that was not my case. Being fat caused me to be very self-conscious, untrusting of people and extremely quick with my tongue. I learned to use my tongue as a weapon. I could and still can cut a person with my words when I perceive that someone is trying to reject me. Years on top of years of people treating me as if I was invisible created deep pain and anger. Unfortunately, that anger did and at times still can manifest. Bullies do not realize the lasting impact of their actions. Thankfully, with the help of God and counseling, I have gotten a better handle on my pain. Also, losing the weight, not to make anyone happy but myself, aided a great deal in healing my hurting past.
I cannot contribute being teased for ALL the times I was moody and cranky when I was fat. I felt an immense amount of frustration with myself. I hated being fat because I felt like a thinner, healthier, happier Angela was trapped underneath layers of unwanted skin. I hated having to shop at only certain stores. I hated feeling swollen. I hated not being the best me I knew I could be. I could not understand how I could excel in so many other areas in my life; academically, socially, professionally, but could not gain control over my eating and weight. I felt helpless and hopeless.
Feeling like there is no hope will cause ANYONE to act, think, talk and behave in a way that is moody, depressed, gloomy and sad. If you ask me if I agree with the statement that "fat people are moody, cranky and mean,” I would say no! To make the statement correct I would say, "those fat people who may be moody, cranky and mean are probably that way for more reasons than just the number on the scale. Maybe they are moody, cranky and mean because they have never felt the love and respect that all mankind is entitle to simply because of their appearance." Maybe, just maybe, instead assuming that they are fat and angry, why not do all you can to brighten their life. One positive, sincere and kind word can alter one’s personality, day and life.
I admire how Whitney Thore did not allow her health challenge to cripple her and stop her from dancing. In spite of her challenges, she still teaches dance classes to encourage and inspire other people to keep moving forward. That does not sound moody, cranky or mean to me!
Much love,
Angela
You aren't so nice yourself. You forgot to say fast people discriminate against others. But then, what would you have to say about yourself, nasty woman?
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