OK moms. If you are anything like me, you have probably received countless words of advice, both solicited and unsolicited, from people of diverse ages, backgrounds, and walks of life. From young, unmarried, no children having women, to senior citizens. When you got pregnant, folks dose out pregnancy advice. As your belly gets bigger and you quickly approach your due date, more input on pain meds, labor, delivery, etc. Once the baby has arrived, OMG! Tons of tips on breast feeding, bottle feeding, sleeping, and on, and on and on. The advice NEVER STOPS and it can literally stress the hell out of you. I got to tell you, for almost 9 years straight I had consciously and subconsciously allowed others input to add to my already high anxiety filled life. Some of you may be saying, "Angela, why haven't you just ignored them if they are causing you such grief?" The truth is, I have ascertained from life mistakes, that it cost nothing to listen to what people have to say, especially if it is well intentioned. The problem with that is if you start internalizing the advice, and think they are saying you are failing, or that you do not know what your doing. For me, it just became too overwhelming because parenting is not a carbon copy ordeal.
Just because it worked for them, their child and household, does not mean it will work for me or you. Every child is different! They have dissimilar love languages, ways of thinking, processing, learning, giving and receiving love, as well as giving and receiving discipline. Besides, and most importantly, I am not them and neither are you. My child rearing insight, just like yours, hinges first and foremost from how we were raised. Depending on your childhood, and its impact on you as an adult, most people draw their parenting strengths and/or weaknesses from that. For example, I was raised more "old school" where children were not allowed to really express their opinions and disdain for a parental directive. My parents, especially my father, believed in spanking with a switch. Because of some of the negative affects that I think comes from very strict parenting, I allow my children to express themselves much more freely than I ever was. I also do not agree that spanking should be the initial and only form of discipline. I can count on one hand the number of times I have spanked both my girls. We can discuss that at a later blog date.
My point is, for your sanity, find what works best for you, your temperament, patience level and peace of mind. Likewise, you know your children better than anyone else, so the advice you are given will not always fit like a tailored glove for each of your kids. I have finally found my MOMMY GROOVE! Our oldest is almost 10, but a year ago is when I truly settled into my role as a mom, and I am damn proud of myself. I got to tell you, I'm a great mom. I keep a clean, comfortable, loving home. I educate, encourage, feed, discipline and love my children the best of my present ability. My husband is happy and blessed. I love preparing family meals and grocery shopping. I even enjoy changing bed linens, doing laundry and vacuuming floors. Did I spend almost $175,000 getting higher education and multiple degrees to become a stay home mom? No. But this is the life I have now and I am going to do the best I can.
Do I want to be more patient? Yes. Do I sometime yell or over react in situations? Of course. But at the end of the day moms, I know my children, and you know yours! I am with my kids day in and day out, except during school hours. I know their hearts, fears, weaknesses, strengths, facial gestures and quirks, all of which most people offering advice have no clue about.
So the take away is this moms. You can not always stop well and/or ill intentioned people from offering their parenting recommendations and input, but what you can control is how you allow it to impact you. If the advice will make you a better woman, mom, or person or it can enhance your children's lives and household, count it all joy and apply it. But if it does not work for you, don't internalize and allow bitterness, self-doubt and self condemnation to set in. Like the old saying states, "eat the meat and spit out the bones!" Find your "Mommy Groove" and keep on rocking with your bad self!!!
Until next time, Love you!
Angela
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